I found out I was the luckiest god damned man alive a bit too late. I mean I got my wish. I’m not talking about some stupid everyday wish that might come true, like, I wish I could find a parking space or I wish I get a raise. Those things can happen, they do, everyday to someone. My wish was something else, and I’ll bet it hasn’t happened to any bastard before in all of time.
Maybe I should back up a bit. Thing is, I caught my wife cheating on me. I thought she had been for some time, the no good gold digging bitch. So I bought a gun from some guy I know, untraceable. I caught her and her “friend” doing it my bed. And this is where my wish comes in. Sure as hell they were surprised to see me, even more surprised to see the gun. God I love just thinking about that look on their faces. I think he peed…Fuckin’ comedy gold right there. Anyway, as I leveled the gun at them, him first I said “My only wish is that I fucking kill you and you come back from the dead so I can fucking kill you again.” I mean come on, I was pissed.
I heard a stomach wound was a pretty miserable way to go from this old vet that I used to know. So, that’s where I let the lead go. Shit! Talk about blood! I didn’t actually expect that much. I also didn’t expect that the moaning would bother me as much as it did. I let her look at her boyfriend for a bit before I gave her the same and then finished them both of with one to the heart each.
There I was, standing in my bedroom wondering how I was to clean this shit up, worrying about luminal and crap when those two fuckers started to move. What the hell? I mean this was point blank, aint know way even I’m going to miss any vitals at that range. They were dead, fucking dead. Only now they weren’t…and I remembered my wish. God dammit, if I had known it would have come true I wouldn’t have wasted it on these two losers, I’d have wished myself a billion dollars and a yacht full of hotties. But here I was, my wish came true and I had to kill these worthless fucks one more time. I brought up the gun, aimed at what’s his fucks head and pulled the trigger. Blammo! Fucking brains on the head board. Great, even more mess to clean up.
My wife, that is ex wife, or recently not so departed wife was clawing her way to a sitting postion. Her otherwise blue eyes were a cloudy white and her mouth was open in a kind of hungry slack jawed gape. She was looking around the room. One hand fell on her boy toys broken head and she pulled up a hand full of brains. I was thinking, what the fuck? She must had totally lost it. Then she brought her hand to her mouth, shoved in a handful dipshits grey matter and turned to face me. With a rasping, guttural shriek she lunged at me, but the blood soaked sheets caught her foot and she fell off the end of the bed. I shot her in the back. She looked up at me. I pulled the trigger again. Click. Fuck. Who plans on carrying more than a full gun to take out two naked shits? Not me. I ran for the bedroom door.
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