Misc THE FAMILY

They were a mongoloid family to whom the idea of contact with water
outside of being caught in the rain, was a foreign one. They reeked
of sour milk and willful ignorance. Their slack jawed progeny destroyed
any family line they became entangled with, which fortunately or unfortunately
were few, for they were an inbred lot.
Those who knew them, and no one outside their clan knew them well, placed their
intelligence and ingenuity at the level of the lesser tool using primates. Being
unsophisticated and lacking any form of discretion, their faces were a panoply of
lust, fear and rage in various degrees and combination.
They did not worship the god of their neighbors but instead prayed to a jar they
claimed contained the “Tiny Boy”. And through an extension of this reverence, they
followed the wishes of the “Tiny Boy’s” mother, now bent and aged but far from frail.

Lost Letter DEAR POPE

I ain’t Catholic or nuthing, but my friend Luanne says you got a God on speed dial and there’s something I got to ask him real bad. So I was wondering if maybe you could pass on a message for me? If you’re too busy please tell God that I’ll be praying to him Thursday night at nine pm and again on Friday morning at eleven am (Just in case he missed the first one and doesn’t have a prayer Tivo.)
Anyway, about two weeks ago Peter Raymond asked me to the dance at Hoppner’s and asked if I would wear that blue dress he likes. The thing is, I ain’t got no blue dress and what’s more I never had no blue dress, least not since I was nine and I didn’t know Peter Raymond when I was nine. Now Billi Ferner has a blue dress, I know cause it’s her favorite and she wears it all the time. Now Pope, I don’t know if God already told you all this, but I got to know if Peter Raymond maybe thought my violet dress was blue, or if he’s been seeing Billi Ferner behind my back, because if he has I ain’t going to no Hoppner’s dance with him. The skunk.
My friend Luanne say’s you live all the way over in that country that looks like a boot, so I hope you get this in time. You know that country has always bothered me cause it’s just one boot. Boots come in pairs. Where’s the other boot? It’s not God to just make one boot. Even folks who lose their leg get one of them fake ones so they have something to put the other boot on. I ain’t never seen a person wearing one boot lest they about to put on another…or maybe one of them pirates from the old days who had one boot and a stick on the other leg. But that’s just dumb. How hard is it to carve a foot on that stick so they have something to put the other boot on?
Also I don’t know if they listen to country music over there in Bootistan or whatever it’s called, but there’s this really pretty song about a woman who’s driving down the road with her little baby. Then she loses control of the car and it goes sliding and everyone thinks she’s going to die. But you know what happens? Jesus comes down from heaven and take over the driving and she gets safely home. How come they don’t teach about this in the Bible? I take comfort from this. It used to be that I’d go out and get real hammered on the weekends (and some weeknights) and then I would have to wait for Peter Raymond to give me a ride home because he only drinks beer and I like Jack Daniels, everyone knows that Jack’ll get you drunker ‘en beer. Anyway Now I don’t have to wait for stupid old Peter Raymond, cause if I’m too drunk to drive and it looks like I might crash, I know Jesus will take the wheel and drive me home. It’s like the Lord is my designated driver. Anyway it’s a good song and I think you should give it a listen, it’s by that girl on the singing show.

That’s all for now. Please pass on my message to God and thanks.

- Lisa Jean Hammond

P.S. I just gotta ask. Is it that pointy hat that lets you talk to God? I won’t tell no one, but I just might try making one for myself if it is. I won’t interrupt your talks with God though, I know you was in line first.

Stump THE FERGETTIN' PIT

There’s this place out in the woods we used to play in. It has ends of old cars sticking out of it. We liked to look at all the out of state plates. Sam said it was no place for young un’s. He said that’s where the old fergettin’ pit was before they filled it in and dug a new one a few miles away. The fergettin’ pit is were folks toss stuff they don’t want no more or stuff they want to forget about. It used to smell real bad round there. I don’t know why anbody would want to forget about an old car, but there sure were a lot of them around there.

Stump FALL

I like the way the leaves look in the fall, all orange and red. But I don’t like the fall night screams. Sam say’s the screams is just a part of nature, like the leaves turnin’, but they ain’t pretty like the leaves. Sometimes I think I hear words in the screams, like “No” and “God”. I told Sam about the words and he gave me the switch for blaspheming. The screams usually last for about a week. Sometimes they just kinda fade away, other times they just stop suddenly. When they do it always takes awhile for the normal night noises to come back.

Stump SALESMAN

One time this salesman came to town and tried to sell us some cook pots. They was real nice. Better’n ours. We didn’t have no money but Sam invited him and told me to go down to the creek for some water. When I got back Sam said that the salesman had to leave but because he liked us so much he gave us some of the pots for free. He must have really liked Sam because he gave him his jacket and hat too

Stump TEETH

Some folks just like to collect stuff. Sam collects teeth. He’s got a big ol’ jar of em’ Some even got real gold in em. Norma and me got to talkin’ and we figured if I put that jar under my pillow I could get rich and maybe buy her somethin’ nice. Only Sam caught me sneakin it to my room and popped me good in the face. He even knocked out a tooth. He said if I wanted to get rich I could put that under my pillow and he’de make sure I had some more to give to if I touched his teeth again. I didn’t get no kickle for it.

Stump SAUSAGE JOHN

Sausage John come down from the hills yesterday. We call him Sausage John ‘cause he makes real good sausages. Our favorite is one he calls “hunter blend”. He always laughs when he say’s “hunter Blend” and Sam always smiles. I laugh too but I don’t get what’s so funny. It’s good eatin though and he always brings me a new hat.

Stump PLAY

One time Sam took me to this play. I ain’t never seen no play before. It was with real actors from out of town and everything. Sam was even in the play. I didn’t really get what it was about but they were screamin’ and cryin’. Sam was yellin’ and laughin’ and pokin’ em with sticks and things. The whole town thought it was really funny. Then they got nailed to wooden crosses and stuck up on a hill. It looked almost as real as that movie show I saw once. It was long play. It was still goin’ on a couple of days later. After that the actor’s left. I don’t know where they went but I hope they come back.

Stump PLEH

There’s this old cabin about a mile down that over grown trail. I found it once when I got lost playin’ hide-an-seek with Sissy and Norma. It smells real bad around there. Someone had wrote somethin’ on the window in jam. It was kinda hard to read but I could make it out. I think it said PLEH only all the letters were backwards. I guess they ain’t too good with letters. I don’t know what PLEH means. Must be their name.

Stump THE GRANDPA LAMP

We have this old lamp in the house called the Grampa lamp. I don’t know why they call it that but it’s keen old lamp. It’s got an anchor on the shade, cause grampa was in the navy. I thought maybe he got the lamp in some far off country, but I heard that Sam made the lamp. I never met my grampa.

Stump DIGGIN'

I was diggin in the garden and I found all these white sticks. I showed ‘em to Sam and he got real mad. He made me put them back in the ground and promise I wouldn’t dig there anymore. I don’t know why he got so mad, cause sometimes at night, I see him diggin’ there too.

Stump BANGIN'

I couldn’t sleep last night again. That damn celler door wouldn’t stop bangin’. I wish Sam would do something about it. He knows I don’t sleep to good. But Sam say’s they’re better if they’re scared. He say’s it just makes ‘em taste better. I don’t know if that’s true but they sure keep me up nights.

Stump LETTING OFF STEAM

So the boys went up to the mountains this week. Sissy say’s not to be so worried. She says they just need to let off a little steam. They’ll be up there for a day or two, maybe three, and then come on down. Never lasts more than a few days. Besides, this time it ain’t anybody we know, just some hitchhiker they found near the crossroads.

STUMP an INTRODUCTION

While writing Bus Stop, I would have much darker stories come to mind. To get them out I created Stump, which shares a voice with Bus Stop but really are the stories of a naïve boy who lives in a pretty isolated mountain community where all is not well.

BUS STOP an INTRODUCTION

Bus stop is made up of the stories of a boy, perhaps 10 years old who rides the bus everywhere. The stories are his thoughts, observations and things that have happened to him. While many are based on my own life, the stories themselves are fiction. I have to admit that the character of the cousin is based on myself.